Olympics

Olympics B.S.O.D.
Bill Gates laughs manically.
Next time try Linux.

Static Electricity

Oh static electricity -

killer of mobos and defier of ungrounded sysadmins
destroyer of worlds (of data)
vain was I, when I thought I'd defeated you
always using a grounding strip when working on the servers
maintaining humidity at 32%
and not wearing rubber soles

but you have defeated me, instead
unwitting was I, when I rolled backward in my chair
on my plastic floormat
building up a charge, which released the only way it could
through my in-ear headphones
causing me to cry aloud
and my coworkers to look at me

NBD

How do I love nbd? Let me count the ways.
I love nbd for its speed in read and write
My database can reach, and flex its might
The sysadmin can retire, in peace and grace.
I love nbd to the level that ever bonnie++
Benchmarks in write, read, and re-write
I love nbd freely, as men strive for right
I love nbd purely, as it's saved me from fuss
I love nbd with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love nbd with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love nbd with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love nbd better after I hammer my freeking server into a pretzel.

Note: Man, I was gonna all be clever with copying How do I Love Thee?, but that poem -sucks-, I mean, really. It's just bad.

Please God, Buy me Fibrechannel

I am but a sysadmin
Who tries to get a speedy transport
but all my efforts come to naught
my tries the evil penguin thwarts

I try with acronyms of three
or four or five - six letters
but success is not to come for me
nbd, iscsi, gfs, it doesn't matter

So now I'm doomed to hack and hack
and test and hack again
These precious hours I won't get back
Because my server is a lemon

Scott Sucks

Once there was a syadmin
who kept his lab looking less than spiffy
was doing fine 'til his arch-enemy
became head of the safety committee